The Cat Ate My Tuna

The Cat Ate My Tuna Fish

One would assume that in a home where one of the two "head's" is often incapacitated when it comes to things involving the use of repetitive motion we would own an automatic can opener. But we do not.

Therefore we have two manual openers. One opens the traditional way, leaving that nice sharp jagged edge where you can slice your thumb open thereby allowing oodles of microbes to invade your body, the other that gently slips the top of the can off the body by breaking through the seal thus creating a smooth circlet. But if you can't use either one, then who the hell cares?

Thus we welcome the other "head" (my husband) to be in command of all things can related. Once a week he is in charge of opening and draining my three cans of tuna fish, placing the tuna in a container, placing the lid on the container, and consigning said tuna into the fridge where I can later turn it into my tuna salad.

Last night he industrially opened all three cans. I watched this project with a bit of a laugh as it was a bit like watching a shark movie. We have three cats. When cats smell tuna, chaos ensues. All three were meowing and howling, weaving their way around my husbands legs and generally making it known that they wanted tuna too!

As I am a sweet Mommy (please note sarcasm) to my little feline friends, I reluctantly got out three small plates and dished out three small portions of the rapture inducing food item. On the count of three my husband and I strategically placed the three plates around the kitchen in an attempt to make sure each cat had his own space.

Alas, as usual, our Lincoln cats' inability to be a speed eater allowed the other two to hone in on his territory. There was a hiss and a paw slap and then the sound of licking as all three of them finished off Lincoln's portion.

The tuna chore having been taken care of I wheeled myself out of the kitchen and into the living room to continue watching a movie. Meanwhile Dave was finishing up in the kitchen and soon joined me.

At the end of the movie I turned regular cable on and proceeded to channel surf. Dave got up and headed back into the kitchen. I immediately heard a loud curse and something that sounded a lot like "stupid cat." Rolling back into the kitchen I made it in time to see Jackson (our most sneaky cat) jumping from the counter. My eyes zeroed in on what else was on the counter.

MY TUNA FISH!

My blessed husband had not only neglected to put the tuna in the fridge, but he had never put the lid on the container. I promptly asked for the container and upon inspection found a dent in the tuna and smeary tongue marks up the side. Yes indeedy. The cat had eaten my tuna fish.

What is the moral of the story?

As soon as I can find someone to drive me I am going to go buy an electric can opener. This way I can open my own damn tuna, put it in the freakin' container with a lid and place it in the fridge all by my big girl self. Oh, and the cats are cut off. No matter how much they meow.