My First Time....

My First Nosebleed

Yes, it is true. I have never had a nosebleed before in my life till last night. I was having a dandy evening sitting at my laptop watching Mad Men on Netflix. I am only on the 5th episode of Season 1 and still trying to decide if I want to commit. I like the show but I am not sure I can take all the drinking and smoking and men wearing hats. I like the opening theme and I hum it in my head all day. It really isn't much of a tune, but it has become stuck.

So, I am minding my own business when I think I feel moisture near my upper lip. I reach up with a finger to wipe it off, not really processing what it could be and then I look down at my hand. My entire finger is covered in blood!

I screamed for Dave while taking a swab at my nose with my other hand (I know, dumb move) and then I saw a napkin hiding on the corner of my desk. I immediately picked it up and started wiping. The blood bath was horrific.

Dave came rushing in and I started screaming about looking up on the Internet on what to do for a nosebleed. (There was a lot of hysterical screaming happening)He said to put my head back and I said that I knew that was a no-no because you would have blood go down your throat and swallow it. (How do I know these things? I used to teach kids!)

Then I told Dave to go get napkins, tissues, paper towels, anything. He came back with reinforcement paper product while he read to me the Internet findings. I was supposed to sit up straight, lean slightly forward and pinch my nose together for at least five minutes or until the bleeding had stopped.

For those of you wondering why I didn't go rushing for tissues, etc... remember that I am sitting in my den in my wheelchair with bloody hands and no way to move. As I sit there pinching my nose and feeling incredibly grossed out by the entire event I realize that a more pressing need has developed.

I have to pee.

For some reason my body has decided to only give me about ten seconds from the time it tells me I have to pee before just trying to take over itself. I have actually read that this can happen to people in wheelchairs. Therefore I need to be extra vigilant and always head to the bathroom the minute my brain sends out the signal.

But what do you do when you are supposed to be pinching your nose for five minutes? I waited. I waited some more. Then I knew I could not wait anymore. In a panicked voice I said to Dave, "I have to PEEEEE!" Thank God for Dave. He grabbed the wheelchair and navigated through the narrow doorway only hitting the dresser once, then through the foyer/hall and past the kitchen into our bedroom. I concentrated on trying to keep my leg/stumpie from becoming victims of reckless driving. He took the steep turn into our bathroom and I slammed on the brakes (and let go of my nose!) as we reached the target.

We will suffice to say that I made it. But just. While in the bathroom I got rid of the blood on my hands and determined that my nose was no longer a river of red. I had read that I wasn't supposed to blow or pick it (yes, they actually say that!) for 24 hours. I looked in the mirror expecting to see a nose that had been through WWIII, but it looked suspiciously normal. I held up a small mirror and tried to look up my nostril. I saw a tiny bit of red, but nothing grotesque or abnormal.

Under my own steam, now that I had clean hands, I rolled back into the den and quickly searched for "Causes of Nosebleeds." I really try hard not to be a hypochondriac, but when you are me and so many strange things go wrong all the time, it is hard not to be looking for the hammer that is going to come a 'whackin. Although I latched on to some of the rare and exotic causes of nosebleeds I think we have determined that it was just from dry air.

Tonight I bought some saline spray to help "moisturize" my nose. It actually felt pretty good.

I have no idea how I came to be 38 without ever having a nosebleed. But boy was it traumatic. How can so much blood come from such a small area??

I am no longer a nosebleed virgin. Trust me, in this case I would have worn the promise ring forever!